When I did a semester abroad to Indonesia sixteen years ago, we had to put together plans for a community development project. At the time I did not fully understand what we were supposed to do...which is a bit ironic because it is the kind of thing I am passionate about now. We had to be out in the community (obviously), talking to people in a language we could hardly speak, and figuring out what the needs were for that given village. To some people this sounds daunting and scary--for me that wasn't the scary part at all. The part that intimidated me was the fact us females could not go anywhere outside of the premises of our gated conference grounds without another person with us (female or male). The "not being safe" part did not scare me...I was a little naive...but I honestly never felt in danger. The asking someone to go with me to help with the research was intimidating. I worried about inconveniencing my teammates or the staff. Everyone had their own schedule and things they wanted to get done during our limited free time. I hated being dependent on other people and wished I could have done it myself.
I was only twenty-two and not very independent yet and not near as confident. I am a little more intentional now and in the right moment willing to put myself out there. But I am still very much a people pleaser. When it has come to running over the years, I again just want to do it myself and not burden people. I don't want to inconvenience anyone. I am afraid to put myself out there and run with other people except of course during a race. Lately for the past few years I have been craving running with others. I honestly get jealous when I hear about people training for things together.
I have tried. It is not like I put forth zero effort. I ran with Trena a couple times when she still lived here. Then she got injured and then she moved away. I mentioned the idea of running together to two or three people over the years but for whatever reason it never happened. I tried going to the triathlon club's track workouts on Monday mornings. They all run 6 minute miles. Honestly it was discouraging and it felt like running alone anyway--I kind of wanted my ipod because I could not be a part of the conversations because I could not keep up with the group. I'm not an elite runner like that and I don't think I want to be.
Around this time two years ago I met some triathletes at the pool for Wednesday morning swimming. I met Angie, an elite triathlete who taught me how to follow a swim workout. I ended up sharing a lane with her junior high son and a guy with an injured knee...and they still kicked my butt. I could not keep up with them and they were constantly passing me. A few lanes over were Tracy, Erica, and Kristin doing their own workout. The following week I showed up and not a sole was at the pool except for Tracy and Erica who told me I could swim with them and follow their workout. They answered questions...even simple ones I was afraid to ask because they were so "beginner swimming." Within a year or so I became "a regular." They text me to tell me if they are swimming or not in the mornings. I know them a little bit better beyond the pool.
They and a few other of their friends do almost their workouts together whether it be swimming, biking, running, weight lifting. They go to races together and trained for an Ironman together. They are a community of triathletes. I have been such a lone athlete all these years that I have never been a part of anything like this. I have gotten used to it. I know there is some benefit in training alone. I crave the solitude. I have kids climbing me all day that I need the alone time too. I know I need the community too. This past summer I swam in the Silverton Reservoir with a guy named Len from the triathlon club. It really helped me get over my fear of open water--like I was no longer afraid anymore and my confidence grew. I have not swam with him since, but I am so grateful for that swim.
This morning was the first time I ran with Tracy (and I learned a couple weeks ago she lives literally one mile from my house and I ran past her street almost every time I run). It felt so good to run with someone. It was motivating and I probably would not have tackled the hills as well I did had I not been alone. I don't know if I can continue to run with them. Some of them have more free time than I do and don't have children...or else their children are grown. Some aren't married and some have more freedom in times they can get out of the house. But I hope this can continue to be a community I can be a part of it as my schedule allows.
I have also been craving friends outside my faith community (church, moms group etc.) I have no idea if any of these people are Christians and I don't know their story. I know they know I am and a pastor's wife to boot. But I am grateful to be able to be "me" i.e. not the pastor's wife. It took two years before I even did anything with them outside of swimming (I went out with them on a Friday night a few weekends ago). It really just shows how long friendships take to develop if they grow at all.
For some reason this was therapeutic for me to write about and was heavy on my mind.
In a nutshell I ran 5 miles on Friday, ran the track on Sunday three miles (and took Derek & Kara and we got soaked in the rain), rested on Monday (big windstorm and nasty rain) and ran 4 miles with Tracy today. I have been eating great!! Rob made cauliflower soup last night with leeks and all 3 kids and I loved it! Hailey even took leftovers in her lunch. MFP is working this time around and I'm no longer craving junk constantly like I was 3 weeks ago. My sleep has been good too.
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