I have not posted in awhile. I hate to say I am training for any sort of race. As soon as I do, I feel like my training falls apart and I am back to square one...setting goals that are never met. I also am trying not to be hard on myself. It is hard to exercise, work 40 hours a week outside the home and take early childhood ed classes. I am grateful I can even squeeze in some exercise. Sometimes at the expense of my sleep, but I am doing the best I can.
After my 11 mile run in late January on a Saturday morning, I did a shorter run that Sunday. My knee hurt the entire time but it was not terrible. It throbbed that whole Monday at work. All I did for workouts that week was swim with my tri friends on that Wednesday.
February came. I had a fundraiser dinner the first weekend. I felt very behind on everything. I spent a whole Saturday working on fundraising and early childhood ed classes. I felt like I did not get a weekend. Rob and I had communication issues. Work felt stressful. One thing after another. My workout regiment was inconsistent.
I got the referral end of January to see a PT about my knee. I finally went in mid February. It was very informative. Most of the IT band problems are as a result of weak hips. She basically said the stretching and rolling I have been doing is fine. It has not caused any damage or made anything worse. It is like putting a band aid on the pain and it is not strengthening what needs to be strengthened. I am doing five different exercised to strengthen my hips every night. I have been pretty consistent with that. I have to do some dynamic stretches before I run. She said these are better than static stretches which are basically for after running...not beforehand. She does not want me running more than 3-4 miles at a time right now. She also does not want me doing squats or lunges. I can only do squats with a band right now. The stretches are helping. I feel like I stretching areas of my hips that I have never stretched in my life.
My workouts the last couple weeks have been a little inconsistent. I had really bad PMS this week and it affected both my moods and my sleep. I also feel like I gained a lot of weight. I think I have gained ten pounds since the fall. I lost an unusual amount last fall from being sick with two GI bugs two and a half weeks apart. I also was very stressed out with my new job and going back to work in general. I would like to do the Hagg Lake triathlon in July. I don't know if I want to do the sprint distance or olympic. I think I will decide as we get closer. I would like to do another marathon next fall or winter if my hip strengthens.
Last week I was right on track getting great workouts in. Then I left work Thursday with a sore throat, chills, and extreme fatigue. I ended up not going into work on Friday. I tried to rest during the weekend. I still have a bad cough and get coughing spells. I cough to the point of gagging. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were all bad nights of sleep mixed with insomnia and coughing despite taking medicine. Last night was the first night I went without cough medicine and I slept pretty well.
Tuesday (3/27): Ran 3:08 miles with an average pace of 10 minute miles
I made myself run today. I was fighting with myself to get out the door. I knew once I got going, I would enjoy the outside air. I went a little slower than normal. It was good getting outside again despite not having worked out since last week Thursday. I am loving Spring Break. I am welcoming the much needed down time with open arms. I am glad Rob is home too.
Wednesday (3/28) Centergy
Wow it was so refreshing to go to Centergy. The workout did not hurt nearly as bad as last two weeks. Except I had to leave during the rest and recovery portion because I had a coughing fit that almost ended with me gagging. Yuck. I hate this cough.
Thursday (3/29) Group Ride
I went to Ride with the older two and they did awesome. It was a great workout.
Friday (3/30)
I ran 3.31 (but it was probably closer to 4--Map My Run glitched) miles through Woodmansee Park over to Sumpter Park. I felt slow at times, but I did not push myself to go super fast. I have been hovering around the 3 mile mark since I started PT and I wanted to increase it to 4.
Saturday (3/31)
I did about 10 minutes of weight in the weight room...which I never been in even though I have gone to the same gym for like five years. I liked the slower pace of doing weights on my own instead of going to Power. I am really concerned about going to Power with all the lunges and squats. My PT does not want me doing them unless someone is helping me with form. Then I swam 1,000 yards afterwards and did a mix of pull, free, and kick.
My cough is significantly better and my sleep is getting normal again. I am very sad to see Spring Break come to a close and get hit with reality on Monday.
Sunday (4/1) = Rest
I planned on finally getting my bike out today. Come to find out my pump broke. I lost the nozzle piece to it. I was so disappointed and frustrated that I went to Fred Meyer to buy a new one. I had to return something anyway. They only had one for kid's bikes. So I drove all the way to Big Five. Which was closed of course with it being Easter. Why am I driving all the over the place on Easter to buy a bike pump? Because I am PMSing and pretty much crazy today. That is the only reason I can justify it with. So I finally bought one from Wal Mart. It was a little confusing figuring how to change the valve to a presta valve. I finally figured it out and put air in my tires. So hopefully I can ride later this week. I like biking. I hate bike mechanics. It makes me anxious and crazy. I need to get over it.
Sunday, April 1, 2018
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
Third Week Post Christmas Break
Monday = Group Power. So nice to have a holiday and have Monday off! Felt like I needed it. I was able to go to daytime Group Power which I never get to go to. I took the kids ice skating in the afternoon.
Tuesday = Ran 5 miles with an average pace of 9:42. I woke up at 3:15 and could not fall asleep again. I finally fell asleep just as the alarm was going off and then I was up. I knew there was no way I was going to fall back asleep so I just got up and ran. It was a pretty decent run.
Wednesday = Rest. So tired after sleeping so little the night before and a very long workday. I slept until 7.
Thursday = Group Ride. I went to Group Ride and my triathlete friend was there as well. It was a regular ride workout.
Friday = Swam about 1/2 mile. I went at 5:30 AM as I did not have to be into work at a certain time...wanted to be there a little after 8. I don't like swimming alone as much but I like the convenience of going later when I can.
Saturday = Ran 11 miles with an average pace of around 9:40. I felt like the run started off bad from the beginning. I did not feel strong and I felt winded right away. I had to walk on a hill only the second mile. By mile 6 my IT band started really hurting. By mile 7 my phone totally crashed so I had no way to track my mileage or call if I could not run. I had mapped my run out beforehand but ended up taking some different roads so I really needed my phone. Despite a full charge when I went to bed, it was about 3/4 when I woke up. So frustrated it crashed after only an hour. I really hate my phone and I am so overdue for a new one. I stopped to stretch and that helped a little bit. I did that twice. By what I am guessing was Mile 9 my IT band hurt, but not bad enough that I could run. I felt like it was stable and I could continue. Now my knee has hurt off and on the rest of the day. I stretched, rolled, and rested. That has all helped. I am probably going to see a physical therapist in February. For now I am going to continue to run because it is not extreme pain.
Tuesday = Ran 5 miles with an average pace of 9:42. I woke up at 3:15 and could not fall asleep again. I finally fell asleep just as the alarm was going off and then I was up. I knew there was no way I was going to fall back asleep so I just got up and ran. It was a pretty decent run.
Wednesday = Rest. So tired after sleeping so little the night before and a very long workday. I slept until 7.
Thursday = Group Ride. I went to Group Ride and my triathlete friend was there as well. It was a regular ride workout.
Friday = Swam about 1/2 mile. I went at 5:30 AM as I did not have to be into work at a certain time...wanted to be there a little after 8. I don't like swimming alone as much but I like the convenience of going later when I can.
Saturday = Ran 11 miles with an average pace of around 9:40. I felt like the run started off bad from the beginning. I did not feel strong and I felt winded right away. I had to walk on a hill only the second mile. By mile 6 my IT band started really hurting. By mile 7 my phone totally crashed so I had no way to track my mileage or call if I could not run. I had mapped my run out beforehand but ended up taking some different roads so I really needed my phone. Despite a full charge when I went to bed, it was about 3/4 when I woke up. So frustrated it crashed after only an hour. I really hate my phone and I am so overdue for a new one. I stopped to stretch and that helped a little bit. I did that twice. By what I am guessing was Mile 9 my IT band hurt, but not bad enough that I could run. I felt like it was stable and I could continue. Now my knee has hurt off and on the rest of the day. I stretched, rolled, and rested. That has all helped. I am probably going to see a physical therapist in February. For now I am going to continue to run because it is not extreme pain.
Sunday, January 21, 2018
Second Week Post Christmas Break
Well this week was a little bit harder at work but not due to my classroom and the kiddos. Working with people can be hard. As much as I despise drama and conflict, sometimes I find myself in it. It is difficult to navigate through it all: speaking the truth versus showing compassion and care. But now it's the weekend...a three day weekend actually. And I get a long break. Which I need and am quite happy about.
Monday = Group Power! I finally made it to early morning Group Power and it was a very good workout.
Tuesday = Rest
Wednesday = Ran about 4 miles. I had to be into work super early and it made more sense to run versus swim. My phone died overnight so I could not track my mileage or pace. It was about four miles and probably a normal pace. Although I did not feel as fast as I did on Sunday. I did not have any noticeable pain either.
Thursday = Ran 5.03 miles with a pace of 9:28. My plan was to go to Ride. I woke up in a fog...Wednesday was a very long day. I got everything ready including my biking shoes. Except I left them on the table. Of course I was wearing my slip on shoes. I drove all the way to the gym right before Ride started. I knew if I drove home and went back, the class would be half over. I could not ride in my slip on shoes and I did not have my swimming stuff with me. So I drove all the way home. I did not want to run because it was pouring rain. But I did not have a lot of choice. So I ran anyway and thankfully the rain dissipated the longer I ran. I got a decent workout anyway. I struggled more on the hills, but I was grateful I could do something in time despite the gym mishap.
Friday = Rode Stationary Bike for 45 minutes. I did not want to get up for ride so I went to the gym in the late afternoon and rode the stationary bike and got in a good workout.
Saturday = Swam about 1/2 mile. We had a fairly busy Saturday because we had to make dinner for the Hailey's play cast plus I had studying to do. I managed to get to the pool and swam about 1,000 yards. Not as much as what we do on a Wednesday morning, but still a good workout.
Sunday = Ran 6.11 miles with an average pace of 9:20. Hailey had an ice skating event with friends from her school at Riverfront Park. So I ran from Riverfront to Minto Brown through Minto Brown and back out to the pedestrian bridge in Riverfront to Wallace Marine and back. I tried to maintain a faster pace. It was so warm for January and everyone was outside!
Monday = Group Power! I finally made it to early morning Group Power and it was a very good workout.
Tuesday = Rest
Wednesday = Ran about 4 miles. I had to be into work super early and it made more sense to run versus swim. My phone died overnight so I could not track my mileage or pace. It was about four miles and probably a normal pace. Although I did not feel as fast as I did on Sunday. I did not have any noticeable pain either.
Thursday = Ran 5.03 miles with a pace of 9:28. My plan was to go to Ride. I woke up in a fog...Wednesday was a very long day. I got everything ready including my biking shoes. Except I left them on the table. Of course I was wearing my slip on shoes. I drove all the way to the gym right before Ride started. I knew if I drove home and went back, the class would be half over. I could not ride in my slip on shoes and I did not have my swimming stuff with me. So I drove all the way home. I did not want to run because it was pouring rain. But I did not have a lot of choice. So I ran anyway and thankfully the rain dissipated the longer I ran. I got a decent workout anyway. I struggled more on the hills, but I was grateful I could do something in time despite the gym mishap.
Friday = Rode Stationary Bike for 45 minutes. I did not want to get up for ride so I went to the gym in the late afternoon and rode the stationary bike and got in a good workout.
Saturday = Swam about 1/2 mile. We had a fairly busy Saturday because we had to make dinner for the Hailey's play cast plus I had studying to do. I managed to get to the pool and swam about 1,000 yards. Not as much as what we do on a Wednesday morning, but still a good workout.
Sunday = Ran 6.11 miles with an average pace of 9:20. Hailey had an ice skating event with friends from her school at Riverfront Park. So I ran from Riverfront to Minto Brown through Minto Brown and back out to the pedestrian bridge in Riverfront to Wallace Marine and back. I tried to maintain a faster pace. It was so warm for January and everyone was outside!
Friday, January 12, 2018
First Week Post Christmas Break
This week exceeded my expectations. I was not excited about going back to work, being away from the kids, and re-establishing a routine. Having a plan for the week helped tremendously. I had one of the best weeks at work ever...including the fact I was covering for multiple people and working long hours. Next week will be harder due to changes within our teaching staff, but I feel prepared for it. I completed almost all my workouts except missed Power...but I am not beating myself up for it. With the News Years holiday, going back to work, having to work 10-11 hour days...I think I did pretty good.
Monday = Rest. We were up late for New Years Eve and awoken by the cat who decided to take a leap to the game shelf at 7:30 in the morning...taking a bunch of board games down with her. It was a LOUD crash. We had a good day as a family that ended in a not-so-happy evening with stressful situations. Thankfully we worked through them. Although we ended the day on not the greatest note, it was something we all had to go through.
Tuesday = Group Ride. I made it to Ride. I was pretty tired but happy I could get the workout in. Going from the gym right to work is fine. Aside for the fact I have to buy coffee somewhere, take my breakfast along, and pack so much stuff the night before.
Wednesday = Swim about 45 minutes. I had to be work at 7 so I had to cut my swim workout about 15 minutes. The pool was full and I had to share a lane with an older man who was not too keen on sharing a lane. I felt bad but there were so few options. We did keep hitting eachother, I kept hitting the side of the wall, and I felt very claustrophobic. It really stunk. The workout was OK and I enjoyed swimming with my tri friends. I am much more comfortable sharing a lane with one of them.
Thursday = Rest. I was SO tired. I went ice skating the night before with the middle schoolers and chose to sleep in until 6:30. It was worth it.
Friday = Ran 3.14 miles. It says was my pace was 10:40 but I hit two very long lights. It was probably more like 9.5. I had a good day at work but I took home some emotional baggage from work. I did not think it was affecting me until I lost it emotionally later in the afternoon. Plus we had the Council party at night and I did not feel as prepared as I wanted to be. I had to go to Wal Mart and I don't do well shopping when I am under these sort of conditions. Rob told me to go run and it was the perfect way to get out some of the emotions. I actually was crying when I was running...not the first time I have done that.
Saturday = Ran 5 miles with an average pace of 9:38. We had such a beautiful Saturday. It was wonderful to go out and run and enjoy the outside air. I was less emotional than Friday. I still felt like running cleared my head.
Sunday = Ran 9 miles with an average pace of 9:55. Yay! 9 miles. Despite a little rain it went really well. I really enjoy running Sunday afternoons. Very little if any knee pain. I tackled some pretty big hills.
Monday = Rest. We were up late for New Years Eve and awoken by the cat who decided to take a leap to the game shelf at 7:30 in the morning...taking a bunch of board games down with her. It was a LOUD crash. We had a good day as a family that ended in a not-so-happy evening with stressful situations. Thankfully we worked through them. Although we ended the day on not the greatest note, it was something we all had to go through.
Tuesday = Group Ride. I made it to Ride. I was pretty tired but happy I could get the workout in. Going from the gym right to work is fine. Aside for the fact I have to buy coffee somewhere, take my breakfast along, and pack so much stuff the night before.
Wednesday = Swim about 45 minutes. I had to be work at 7 so I had to cut my swim workout about 15 minutes. The pool was full and I had to share a lane with an older man who was not too keen on sharing a lane. I felt bad but there were so few options. We did keep hitting eachother, I kept hitting the side of the wall, and I felt very claustrophobic. It really stunk. The workout was OK and I enjoyed swimming with my tri friends. I am much more comfortable sharing a lane with one of them.
Thursday = Rest. I was SO tired. I went ice skating the night before with the middle schoolers and chose to sleep in until 6:30. It was worth it.
Friday = Ran 3.14 miles. It says was my pace was 10:40 but I hit two very long lights. It was probably more like 9.5. I had a good day at work but I took home some emotional baggage from work. I did not think it was affecting me until I lost it emotionally later in the afternoon. Plus we had the Council party at night and I did not feel as prepared as I wanted to be. I had to go to Wal Mart and I don't do well shopping when I am under these sort of conditions. Rob told me to go run and it was the perfect way to get out some of the emotions. I actually was crying when I was running...not the first time I have done that.
Saturday = Ran 5 miles with an average pace of 9:38. We had such a beautiful Saturday. It was wonderful to go out and run and enjoy the outside air. I was less emotional than Friday. I still felt like running cleared my head.
Sunday = Ran 9 miles with an average pace of 9:55. Yay! 9 miles. Despite a little rain it went really well. I really enjoy running Sunday afternoons. Very little if any knee pain. I tackled some pretty big hills.
Monday, January 1, 2018
Second Week of Christmas Break
Monday = Christmas morning run! Ran 4.81 miles with an average pace of 9:53. I mostly ran through the Fir Crest and Sunnyslope neighborhoods. It was dryer out but pretty cold...and slick in some areas. I loved starting our Christmas morning out with a run.
Tuesday = Group Power. I managed to quick get to Power before we left on our Portland trip. I was still sore from Saturday Power and I kept my weight at about the same.
Wednesday = Ran 4.01 miles in Portland with an average pace of 10:53. I ran from our motel through path that goes through the airport long term parking lot and then along the Marine Drive path. I turned around at 2 miles and ran back. My pace was slower than normal because the traffic lights were LONG at Airport Way. Plus I had to walk and "slide" on the icy patches. I love running in new places and it was nice to run along the Columbia River.
I have been thinking about races for 2018 and I flip flop between the Corvallis half marathon, a half ironman at the end of the summer, or a marathon in Arizona in May (I know...that might be far fetched but still possible). I don't know what my knee is going to do and if I will need any extensive physical therapy. Or if I can keep doing what I am doing and be fine. I really do want to bike more once the spring hits because I did enjoy that last summer. So many options.
Thursday = Rest!!
Friday = Swam 1 mile! It is lonely swimming by myself. I would rather be with my crew. But I also like having a break from the early morning hours. I also like being able to put together my own workout. I stepped on the scale and I gained the five pounds back I lost this fall. I am not surprised. I have doing the regular "eat whatever you want" holiday eating. I don't care that much because I am not even close to being overweight. I am pretty sure once I start working again, I am going to lose it all. I eat small portions during the day at work and I only eat healthy snacks. So I am not all that concerned.
Saturday = Biked 45 minutes on exercise bike
I have not been to the cardio room in the gym for a very long time--maybe it's been a year. I could not make it Group Ride. I had to sleep. So I went later in the day and rode the bike on my own. I felt like I still got a good workout and I could walk a CNN documentary at the same time.
Sunday = Ran 8.62 miles with an average pace of 10 minutes
My last run of 2017! I ran to the Candalaria neighborhood and back through by South Salem high school and up Commercial to Ewald. I forgot about the long downhill on Crestview that goes on forever. It is very very steep. I thought it would upset my knee. Surprisingly my knee was fine--maybe some slight pain but nothing substantial. I am training my right foot to plant forward and not off to the side--I am walking this way now too. I feel like it is making a big different. Also stretching and rolling at night. I think this helps too. I just need to be consistent with it once I start up work. The weather was perfect for running and I was treated to a beautiful sunset. It was great to a good long run in before the New Years festivities. I am not excited about Christmas Break ending. I also know I cannot live like this forever. All good things must come to an end. Praying for a manageable winter with not too much drama and finding healthy ways to handle my stress--maybe with marathon training?
Tuesday = Group Power. I managed to quick get to Power before we left on our Portland trip. I was still sore from Saturday Power and I kept my weight at about the same.
Wednesday = Ran 4.01 miles in Portland with an average pace of 10:53. I ran from our motel through path that goes through the airport long term parking lot and then along the Marine Drive path. I turned around at 2 miles and ran back. My pace was slower than normal because the traffic lights were LONG at Airport Way. Plus I had to walk and "slide" on the icy patches. I love running in new places and it was nice to run along the Columbia River.
I have been thinking about races for 2018 and I flip flop between the Corvallis half marathon, a half ironman at the end of the summer, or a marathon in Arizona in May (I know...that might be far fetched but still possible). I don't know what my knee is going to do and if I will need any extensive physical therapy. Or if I can keep doing what I am doing and be fine. I really do want to bike more once the spring hits because I did enjoy that last summer. So many options.
Thursday = Rest!!
Friday = Swam 1 mile! It is lonely swimming by myself. I would rather be with my crew. But I also like having a break from the early morning hours. I also like being able to put together my own workout. I stepped on the scale and I gained the five pounds back I lost this fall. I am not surprised. I have doing the regular "eat whatever you want" holiday eating. I don't care that much because I am not even close to being overweight. I am pretty sure once I start working again, I am going to lose it all. I eat small portions during the day at work and I only eat healthy snacks. So I am not all that concerned.
Saturday = Biked 45 minutes on exercise bike
I have not been to the cardio room in the gym for a very long time--maybe it's been a year. I could not make it Group Ride. I had to sleep. So I went later in the day and rode the bike on my own. I felt like I still got a good workout and I could walk a CNN documentary at the same time.
Sunday = Ran 8.62 miles with an average pace of 10 minutes
My last run of 2017! I ran to the Candalaria neighborhood and back through by South Salem high school and up Commercial to Ewald. I forgot about the long downhill on Crestview that goes on forever. It is very very steep. I thought it would upset my knee. Surprisingly my knee was fine--maybe some slight pain but nothing substantial. I am training my right foot to plant forward and not off to the side--I am walking this way now too. I feel like it is making a big different. Also stretching and rolling at night. I think this helps too. I just need to be consistent with it once I start up work. The weather was perfect for running and I was treated to a beautiful sunset. It was great to a good long run in before the New Years festivities. I am not excited about Christmas Break ending. I also know I cannot live like this forever. All good things must come to an end. Praying for a manageable winter with not too much drama and finding healthy ways to handle my stress--maybe with marathon training?
Thursday, December 28, 2017
First Week of Christmas Break
In the past few weeks I have dealt with some great experiences like getting away with Rob to see Billy Joel in concert, Christmas parties, and seeing the kids Christmas programs. On the flip side, I have dealt with some high anxiety that has not waned since I have been on Christmas Break. In some ways it has gotten worse. My brain is still stuck in this fight and flight mode and I fluctuate quickly from a relaxed state to a jittery, jumpy, highly emotional state. The fact I recognize it helps. I am going to take some steps today and the rest of this week to handle it positively.
I really slacked on workouts the last couple of weeks. That hindered me and did not help my anxiety. When it reaches a certain threshold, I lose motivation. Depression starts to set in. My first counselor back in the mid 90's felt my depression was caused by the anxiety. Anxiety comes first and when I fail to work through it, I get very discouraged and depressed. My goal for this week is to get back into it.
Monday = Ran 4.53 miles with an average pace of 10:03. We ran our regular route around Ewald...not too many hills. It was a great run and I felt like I really needed to be outside.
Tuesday = Ran 5.06 miles with an average pace of 9:43. We did more rolling hills this morning and my knee started to ache on the downhill around three and a half miles. It went in and out but flared the most on the downhill. I stretched and did yoga last night and have not done so in awhile. My legs felt tight and sore this morning so I am not surprised. It hurt but I could push through the pain. I could have kept running more had I really wanted to. I am going to keep running, stretching, rolling. I see the doctor end of January so I can get a referral to a PT clinic if I feel like I need it. I don't know really know what I am dealing with it. I always passed it off as IT syndrome. The symptoms of IT syndrome seems quite different. When I turn my foot inward (because it naturally turns outward) it seems to improve my form and I run better.
Wednesday = Swam approximately 27 laps which is about 3/4 of a mile. It felt great to be back in the pool and have a group to swim with. I was actually on time for once and the first person there. I was pretty slow, but it still felt good to swim and get a decent workout in. Also had a good talk with Counselor R who thinks I am not constantly dealing with anxiety. Some of it is in fact anxiety. But I have been using the catch-all anxiety to describe everything. I have also been dealing with grief of missing being with the kids after school and being around for some of their events. I have been dealing with burn out from my job and other involvements. I have faced guilt from not going to Bible Study. I hit Christmas Break and dealt with fatigue. I am also dealing with the unpredictable behavior of having an adolescent in the house and honestly another one who is far off from that stage. It helped to piece it apart and get a better perspective on what is going on.
Thursday = Group Ride. I love going to Mr. F's Ride Class. I can only go on school breaks and in the summer months. It was a great workout and I love the way he teaches it.
Friday = Rest!
Saturday = Group Power. I am really glad I pushed myself to Power because I almost talked myself out of it. It hurt especially my shoulders, chest, and calves. I figured it would. I have not been consistent with Power since the summer...and really since last spring.
Sunday = Ran 6.0 miles with an average pace of 9:53. Great Christmas Eve run! I ran around 3:30 PM and ran through the Battlecreek neighborhood. There was a slight mist in the air and it was rainy at times. It felt great to be outside. I had zero pain even on the hills. It was a blessing to run. I miss the regular exercise.
I really slacked on workouts the last couple of weeks. That hindered me and did not help my anxiety. When it reaches a certain threshold, I lose motivation. Depression starts to set in. My first counselor back in the mid 90's felt my depression was caused by the anxiety. Anxiety comes first and when I fail to work through it, I get very discouraged and depressed. My goal for this week is to get back into it.
Monday = Ran 4.53 miles with an average pace of 10:03. We ran our regular route around Ewald...not too many hills. It was a great run and I felt like I really needed to be outside.
Tuesday = Ran 5.06 miles with an average pace of 9:43. We did more rolling hills this morning and my knee started to ache on the downhill around three and a half miles. It went in and out but flared the most on the downhill. I stretched and did yoga last night and have not done so in awhile. My legs felt tight and sore this morning so I am not surprised. It hurt but I could push through the pain. I could have kept running more had I really wanted to. I am going to keep running, stretching, rolling. I see the doctor end of January so I can get a referral to a PT clinic if I feel like I need it. I don't know really know what I am dealing with it. I always passed it off as IT syndrome. The symptoms of IT syndrome seems quite different. When I turn my foot inward (because it naturally turns outward) it seems to improve my form and I run better.
Wednesday = Swam approximately 27 laps which is about 3/4 of a mile. It felt great to be back in the pool and have a group to swim with. I was actually on time for once and the first person there. I was pretty slow, but it still felt good to swim and get a decent workout in. Also had a good talk with Counselor R who thinks I am not constantly dealing with anxiety. Some of it is in fact anxiety. But I have been using the catch-all anxiety to describe everything. I have also been dealing with grief of missing being with the kids after school and being around for some of their events. I have been dealing with burn out from my job and other involvements. I have faced guilt from not going to Bible Study. I hit Christmas Break and dealt with fatigue. I am also dealing with the unpredictable behavior of having an adolescent in the house and honestly another one who is far off from that stage. It helped to piece it apart and get a better perspective on what is going on.
Thursday = Group Ride. I love going to Mr. F's Ride Class. I can only go on school breaks and in the summer months. It was a great workout and I love the way he teaches it.
Friday = Rest!
Saturday = Group Power. I am really glad I pushed myself to Power because I almost talked myself out of it. It hurt especially my shoulders, chest, and calves. I figured it would. I have not been consistent with Power since the summer...and really since last spring.
Sunday = Ran 6.0 miles with an average pace of 9:53. Great Christmas Eve run! I ran around 3:30 PM and ran through the Battlecreek neighborhood. There was a slight mist in the air and it was rainy at times. It felt great to be outside. I had zero pain even on the hills. It was a blessing to run. I miss the regular exercise.
Saturday, November 25, 2017
It is ok to not be ok.
It is OK to not be OK. That was one of the catch phrases from Pastor Borst's talk at Camp Calvin this summer. It has forever stuck with me this fall. I heard it at a time when I was doing quite well and basking in a summer sabbatical. I had come off a wonderful and renewing trip to Prescott, Arizona and fun filled week here at home with family visiting. The past few months have been hard and there are one too many moments when I am simply not OK.
I would say work is about seventy-five percent of my anxiety right now. It has been an adjustment working with at risk children in a work environment that has its own set of challenges. When we lived in Gary, Indiana for a year, I worked for a small business in the inner city. I remember going into work each day thinking, "I wonder what crazy thing is going to happen today." It was always something. When the police came in one of my last few weeks of work, it seemed normal. There was always some kind of drama.
It's not quite that extreme where I work now and my co-workers are more professional, but I feel like there are changes and new challenges thrown at us daily.
I believe I am where God wants me to be. Most of the time I enjoy the work and really appreciate the children. I work pretty well with my team and my confidence has increased. I don't feel so much like "the new kid" anymore. But the changes and the unknowns affect my anxiety. For instance I will be working with new teachers soon. I don't know who they are and I don't anything about them. I feel like I understand my current teacher and am finally adjusted to working with her--and now I will be working with someone else. And I don't know when. It could on Monday. It could be in January.
I am in a long term sub position. When will my position end? It could be next week. It could be March. It might become a regular position I can apply for. It could be I have to be sent to another site. I may not know until last minute. The "planner" in me sometimes feels out of sorts.
I also have anxiety because I don't know what kind of day I am going to have. I have three challenging children in my classroom. I don't know if they are going to be at school on a given day (though I really just assume they will be). I don't know what type of day they are going to have. Their bad days affect the whole class. It can make what would be a normal orderly day into pure chaos. Sometimes I feel equipped to handle them and other days I feel pushed over the edge.
Even though I don't take it personally when a preschooler talks back to me or worse is aggressive to me--it still hurts. It does strike at my emotions and I have to remain strong and deal with the behavior. It hurts a little more when my co-workers act out in frustration and make false accusations. I chalk it up as stress and misunderstandings. Everyone handles their stress differently. 9 times out 10 our team is good about owning mistakes and apologizing. It still hurts to get criticized. Sometimes I don't know what to do with that hurt. Even if I bypass it, it still seems like it is lingering somewhere.
Because I come home and work on my early childhood classes, I feel like I cannot fully escape it at home. My mind races about work or early childhood classes. I dream about work. If I wake up at 3 AM, it is usually the first thing that pops into my mind. Thankfully I can fall back asleep most of the time. My anxiety has decreased since early October, but it is still there. It is probably too high.
I know the kids are doing fine, but I miss seeing them after school. Sometimes I feel like they need me home during those hours even though Rob often checks in. I would not go back to doing in home day care and I don't miss it at all. Neither do they. Looking back over last year, I realized I was dealing with boredom. There were hard days that were stress filled. I hated going from 7:15 to 5 with little to no break. That is more tiring than my days at my new job. I was feeling withdrawn, lonely, and not very challenged. I don't miss being at home while they are at school. No one misses all the day care stuff around the house.
I worry about my kids especially the oldest who is going through some friend drama right now. The situation really stinks because it with someone she has been friends with for a long time. This friend is going through a tough time and choosing to be nasty and condescending. Some of her actions are close to bullying. I am sure the holidays are making it worse. I know my daughter is gaining some valuable lessons and learning to stand up for herself, but I hate the fact she is being treated this way.
I had to stop going to Bible Study which was a very difficult decision. I miss it and I know my spiritual life is suffering because of it. It is hard to get out in the evenings when I am not home until 5:30. I have little to no time to do the homework. Because my anxiety is bad right now, my mind races during the video portion. I get maybe 15-20 percent of it. I get really jumpy and jittery. The last time I was there I had to leave right away and I cried the whole way home.
My exercise routine has been up and down. I got two GI bugs--one in mid September and one about two weeks later in October. Thankfully I only missed one day of work in September. I lost five pounds from stress. I am not sure what I weigh right now. I would not be surprised if I gained weight since then because I am eating more again. I get stomach pains from stress off and on. Rob and I had an argument on Tuesday night and I had a bad panic attack. I feel like it took a couple days to get back to normal.
I had a mole removed off my left arm a few weeks ago. It started with a doctor's appointment to my regular doctor in July. I asked him to look at a questionable mole on my right arm. He referred me to a dermatologist. They looked at my whole body and determined the mole on my right arm was fine. They did not like one on my left arm. They removed the top layer. Two weeks later they called and said it was not skin cancer but could turn into cancer and should get removed. They removed more and said I could not do any kind of cardio workouts for five days or so.
I developed eczema on my lower right arm from the stitches and dealt with prickly inflamed skin for days. It is still not clear. I had to go in again to get the stitches removed and get a prescription for the eczema. I have gotten moles removed before and it could all be done in one or two appointments with my family doctor. Now all the referrals and extra appointments make it a big headache. I have to go back in three months and I am not sure why. I was supposed to have an annual physical in November but I rescheduled it to January. With all these skin appointments plus I had a dentist and counseling appointment--it was becoming crazy trying to schedule everything.
Last week I was going to start exercising regularly again. I ran on Monday alone and Tuesday with a friend. Both runs were really good. Despite tight muscles, my pace was the same as it always has been. It felt good to get outside and exercise. I ran Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving with Kara. She did amazing. It was her first 5k. We did not get a ton of training runs in, but she has the endurance and willpower. It was fun to do it with her.
I need to be more consistent next week and the weeks that follow. Training for something might motivate me but I was not going to do any big races until the spring.
I also need to take better care of myself. I might need to do some of mental health exercises I did back when I was in a cognitive therapy class. I will probably need to talk to my counselor again soon. I need to continue to learn how to leave work at work. I really don't want to up my dosage on my medication, but I will if I need to.
None of us were ever promised an easy life. I should not expect everything to be smooth sailing and drama free. We go through tough times and have seasons of struggle. I know I will be OK even though I do not feel OK.
I would say work is about seventy-five percent of my anxiety right now. It has been an adjustment working with at risk children in a work environment that has its own set of challenges. When we lived in Gary, Indiana for a year, I worked for a small business in the inner city. I remember going into work each day thinking, "I wonder what crazy thing is going to happen today." It was always something. When the police came in one of my last few weeks of work, it seemed normal. There was always some kind of drama.
It's not quite that extreme where I work now and my co-workers are more professional, but I feel like there are changes and new challenges thrown at us daily.
I believe I am where God wants me to be. Most of the time I enjoy the work and really appreciate the children. I work pretty well with my team and my confidence has increased. I don't feel so much like "the new kid" anymore. But the changes and the unknowns affect my anxiety. For instance I will be working with new teachers soon. I don't know who they are and I don't anything about them. I feel like I understand my current teacher and am finally adjusted to working with her--and now I will be working with someone else. And I don't know when. It could on Monday. It could be in January.
I am in a long term sub position. When will my position end? It could be next week. It could be March. It might become a regular position I can apply for. It could be I have to be sent to another site. I may not know until last minute. The "planner" in me sometimes feels out of sorts.
I also have anxiety because I don't know what kind of day I am going to have. I have three challenging children in my classroom. I don't know if they are going to be at school on a given day (though I really just assume they will be). I don't know what type of day they are going to have. Their bad days affect the whole class. It can make what would be a normal orderly day into pure chaos. Sometimes I feel equipped to handle them and other days I feel pushed over the edge.
Even though I don't take it personally when a preschooler talks back to me or worse is aggressive to me--it still hurts. It does strike at my emotions and I have to remain strong and deal with the behavior. It hurts a little more when my co-workers act out in frustration and make false accusations. I chalk it up as stress and misunderstandings. Everyone handles their stress differently. 9 times out 10 our team is good about owning mistakes and apologizing. It still hurts to get criticized. Sometimes I don't know what to do with that hurt. Even if I bypass it, it still seems like it is lingering somewhere.
Because I come home and work on my early childhood classes, I feel like I cannot fully escape it at home. My mind races about work or early childhood classes. I dream about work. If I wake up at 3 AM, it is usually the first thing that pops into my mind. Thankfully I can fall back asleep most of the time. My anxiety has decreased since early October, but it is still there. It is probably too high.
I know the kids are doing fine, but I miss seeing them after school. Sometimes I feel like they need me home during those hours even though Rob often checks in. I would not go back to doing in home day care and I don't miss it at all. Neither do they. Looking back over last year, I realized I was dealing with boredom. There were hard days that were stress filled. I hated going from 7:15 to 5 with little to no break. That is more tiring than my days at my new job. I was feeling withdrawn, lonely, and not very challenged. I don't miss being at home while they are at school. No one misses all the day care stuff around the house.
I worry about my kids especially the oldest who is going through some friend drama right now. The situation really stinks because it with someone she has been friends with for a long time. This friend is going through a tough time and choosing to be nasty and condescending. Some of her actions are close to bullying. I am sure the holidays are making it worse. I know my daughter is gaining some valuable lessons and learning to stand up for herself, but I hate the fact she is being treated this way.
I had to stop going to Bible Study which was a very difficult decision. I miss it and I know my spiritual life is suffering because of it. It is hard to get out in the evenings when I am not home until 5:30. I have little to no time to do the homework. Because my anxiety is bad right now, my mind races during the video portion. I get maybe 15-20 percent of it. I get really jumpy and jittery. The last time I was there I had to leave right away and I cried the whole way home.
My exercise routine has been up and down. I got two GI bugs--one in mid September and one about two weeks later in October. Thankfully I only missed one day of work in September. I lost five pounds from stress. I am not sure what I weigh right now. I would not be surprised if I gained weight since then because I am eating more again. I get stomach pains from stress off and on. Rob and I had an argument on Tuesday night and I had a bad panic attack. I feel like it took a couple days to get back to normal.
I had a mole removed off my left arm a few weeks ago. It started with a doctor's appointment to my regular doctor in July. I asked him to look at a questionable mole on my right arm. He referred me to a dermatologist. They looked at my whole body and determined the mole on my right arm was fine. They did not like one on my left arm. They removed the top layer. Two weeks later they called and said it was not skin cancer but could turn into cancer and should get removed. They removed more and said I could not do any kind of cardio workouts for five days or so.
I developed eczema on my lower right arm from the stitches and dealt with prickly inflamed skin for days. It is still not clear. I had to go in again to get the stitches removed and get a prescription for the eczema. I have gotten moles removed before and it could all be done in one or two appointments with my family doctor. Now all the referrals and extra appointments make it a big headache. I have to go back in three months and I am not sure why. I was supposed to have an annual physical in November but I rescheduled it to January. With all these skin appointments plus I had a dentist and counseling appointment--it was becoming crazy trying to schedule everything.
Last week I was going to start exercising regularly again. I ran on Monday alone and Tuesday with a friend. Both runs were really good. Despite tight muscles, my pace was the same as it always has been. It felt good to get outside and exercise. I ran Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving with Kara. She did amazing. It was her first 5k. We did not get a ton of training runs in, but she has the endurance and willpower. It was fun to do it with her.
I need to be more consistent next week and the weeks that follow. Training for something might motivate me but I was not going to do any big races until the spring.
I also need to take better care of myself. I might need to do some of mental health exercises I did back when I was in a cognitive therapy class. I will probably need to talk to my counselor again soon. I need to continue to learn how to leave work at work. I really don't want to up my dosage on my medication, but I will if I need to.
None of us were ever promised an easy life. I should not expect everything to be smooth sailing and drama free. We go through tough times and have seasons of struggle. I know I will be OK even though I do not feel OK.
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