10 days of good...one day of bad.

I was hoping to update this blog more frequently but it has been 10 days since I have done so.  10 days that for myself that included working, forensic coaching, track, theatre show, studying, Book Club, Bible Study, youth group, and a huge Taco Dinner I was in charge of. Oh and the computer crashed in there as well making getting some work done quite challenging.  SO much going on.  But until today I did not miss a single workout.  Until today I cut back SIGNIFICANTLY on sugar and soda.  I lost two pounds.  I was feeling generally positive with zero anxiety.  That's right...until today.  Today was just plain hard.  Everything I sought out to do including going to spin class at the gym this morning did not seem to happen. I spent most of the day in constant sometimes near tears anxiety ridden state.  I ended the day much more positively than I started it.  I still hate days like this.  It feels like a completely wasted Saturday and normally I love Saturdays.  But tomorrow is a new day.  This week is not as crazy as last week and not nearly as crazy as the week before.  So let's simply press on again.

Busy Mom Diaries: 400 Meter Dash

One commitment I took on this month that I probably do not have time for...but had to seize the opportunity...was helping with track at my children's school.  I work an earlier shift this year making it possible to help with after school activities.  Last year this was not the case and it was even harder when I did in home daycare.

I am not a coach and I have zero coaching experience.  I am not much an athlete either...at least I was not one when I was younger. I did not appreciate running, competing, training etc. until I was much older.  I love to work with middle schoolers.  I love running.  It seemed like the perfect combination.  And it has been. Especially because I am not in charge and I can simply help wherever needed.

My son ran his first 400 meter dash.  This was my race in junior high.  It is a very difficult one for kids.  It is in between a sprint and a distance.  It is difficult to sprint the whole thing, but at the same time there is not much time to build.  It was difficult to prepare him for the race because running the 400 on a track is much different than running in practice...or running with me.  You have to face it and do it.  When he finished he was a little overwhelmed and hoped to run better, but I was proud of him for pushing himself hard to the finish line.  I said it was first time so he had no time to beat!

I feel that way with many things in life.  I want to prepare for things, but there are many things I cannot fully prepare for.  There comes a time that you have to face what is before you and simply push yourself forward.  Yes sometimes that means feeling a little overwhelmed.  What is God teaching you through this? What can we learn from it and how did it make us grow as Christians?

My son and I will be practicing at the track this weekend.  I need to work on my 400 intervals too!

For my workout today I swan 1200 yards with my tri friends at the pool in the early morning hours.  I am glad I started my day this way! I am still keeping my food diary too.

Busy Mom Diaries: You Have a Fat Stomach

Have you ever had a preschooler say to you, "Is there a baby in your belly?"  When clearly your baby is now six years old and your womb has not been occupied since.  Or have you ever had to answer the preschooler's question, "Why are all the teachers at this school fat?"  Or a simple statement I was given today by an innocent four year old--"You have a fat stomach."

Little children do not know that makes us moms self conscious.  They do not even know what it means to feel self conscious.  Yet we cannot help but wonder if the rest of the world sees us the way they do.

Aside from after my youngest was born, I have not been overweight.  I went on Weight Watchers which was an education I never had on how to eat healthy.  I also trained for another marathon.  I lost the weight over a few months.

Like other members in my family, all the weight I gain goes right to my stomach.  For some it is their thighs, their butt, their lower legs etc.  I get a little a bit of a gut. I can look a few months pregnant in certain outfits even though clearly I am not.  I have not dealt with many body image issues, but this is one I will be brutally honest about.  I don't like it very much.

Yes, I need to accept myself and the way God created my body.  I need to refrain from complaining about my body especially in front of people who generally struggle more with their weight.  But I have gained six pounds in the last few weeks.  I am also craving Chips Ahoy and Oreos.  I would like to have potato chips as a side dish.  I love ice cream in the evening.  I don't drink pop very much but I love a ice cold Coca Cola. And I don't want to keep going down that road.  It is much easier to keep going if I just say, "It's not a big deal.  Accept my body the way it is."  What if I keep sliding down this slippery slope of unhealthiness? These type of foods don't help me run better, don't give me long term energy, and the cravings increase.  Then what?

So yes I am striving to keep track of what I eat and striving to live healthier this month.  I had a great run this afternoon of 3.01 miles with an average pace of around 9:40 minute miles.  I will take it.

Busy Mom Diaries: Wellness

Today is the Monday after Spring Break which I have heard referred to as BS Monday.  When I awoke this morning thoughts of--"Maybe I should go back to being a stay at home mom.  There is enough at home to keep me busy" or "Maybe I should work part time" or "Why do the school breaks seem so short!?"  Kind of ironic it is April Fools Day too.

Today is also Wellness Day which is an annual event put on by the company I work for.  I tried to keep it in mind that I should have a good attitude about BS Monday Wellness Day.

Wellness means different things to different people.  The definition of wellness is the state of being in good health, especially as an actively pursued goal.  When I first heard about "Wellness Day" I pictured it as the wellness program my husband and I went on two years ago with some friends.  We had to change our meals and snacks to healthier options, exercise at least five time a week, practice good sleep habits, and check in with a coach.  I only lost one pound.  But I was able to completely give up soda during the five weeks and I have decreased my consumption since then.   That was probably the best thing I gained.

Wellness Day in our workplace means doing activities together to promote more self care and community. These create "good health" in our workplace. For some that means shopping, going to a movie, doing arts and crafts, and going out for lunch.  I would prefer a long bike ride, going for a hike or even a long run on Wellness Day.  I have not had co-workers interested in this.  So what I gain is fellowship outside of our normal day to day workday.  That strengthens our team and builds positive relationships.

I ended Wellness Day by helping out at my kid's school with the track team.  Running along the trails at our local park with them was more "wellness" for me and fun too.  I love seeing kids try running and push themselves even if they may not turn into runners.

I hope for this month I can continue to practice acts of wellness.  I am starting by choosing healthier meals. Having breakfast this morning with co-workers at an All You Can Eat buffet did not set the stage for healthy eating.  But I was able to keep my portions under control.  I am opting for a salad tonight instead of pizza.

As for exercise, this is my official rest day.  I did do some walking with my co-workers and running with the track team.  I am counting it an "unofficial workout."

Busy Mom Diaries: Calendars

My April Calendar

I used to frown upon Moms who flashed their family calendars on Facebook.

So I realize I am being a total hypocrite by flashing my schedule on the Internet. I want to make the point that I love calendars like many other moms out there.  I love the beginning of the month when I can use my new chalk board marker and add everything we are doing that given month. Sometimes it is hard for me to wait until the end of the month. 

I love schedules...activity schedules, exercise schedules, work schedules, daily schedules, church schedules.  I get anxious when myself or someone from my family is involved in some kind of activity and there is no schedule.  

I love lists..."to do lists" mostly.  I always have a written list.  I tried apps which give me a list on my ipad or phone.  I don't like them and I always go back to the simple pen and paper list.  I like to cross things off when they are completed.

There are many times in my life when I feel like I am not in control of my schedule.  My schedule is controlling me.  The constant demands awake me in the morning and I feel stress at the pit of my stomach.    

I think  in these moments God reminds us how much we need to rely on Him every single day.  We may think we have control of our schedules, but we are not in control of our lives.  Anything can happen to shake up our lives on any given day.  Clean slate summers have turned into times of intense struggle.  New fall excitement has turned into anxiety ridden months.  Days off to relax have turned into days of "putting out fires."  Sometimes weekends turn into days more exhausting than the weekdays.  

I remind myself often, "This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."  Rejoice always.  Rejoice in everything.  Rejoice in every single season.

As for exercise...we started this new tradition of going to a local park on Sunday afternoons on our bikes or skateboards.  Sometimes it is simply a short ride to the park a stone's throw from our house.  It still gets us outside and gets me back on my bike.  Today we even tossed the Frisbee around.

Look I match Orange Mango!

Then I managed to get to the gym and I swam 900 yards.  I stepped on the scale and I am not going to put my weight on the world wide web.  I will say I am six pounds over what I call "my standard weight."  I am not surprised.  I did not exercise at all last week and I have been eating more sugar again. I felt a little heavier in my stomach.  I think I can get it back down again. 

Busy Mom Diaries: April Eve

A few years ago I made a check list of everything I wanted to accomplish each day: do a load of laundry, do one household cleaning task, read my Bible, exercise, read a chapter of a book for pleasure, practice 15 minutes of guitar and pray for my family. I could rarely hit all of them. While I love to plan and deep down I crave routine, I hate discipline. 

I often find myself surfing Facebook instead of loading the dishwasher. I will google search something useless instead of switching the laundry. Some people think I am a disciplined runner but there are many many mornings I ignore the alarm and choose to sleep later than I realistically need to. 


I don't like being told what to do. Sometimes I feel like there is this 
adolescent trapped inside of me who wants to eat what she wants, do what she wants when she wants to, spend money on whatever she wants, and this makes life way more fun. I am constantly telling her to grow up but yet she is asking me to hang out all the time.

It reminds me of Paul's verses in Romans 7...these are the verses with the "I do's" and "I do not's" in regards to his struggle with sin.  You have to read through it carefully word for word in order to digest what he is saying about his struggle with sin.  

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is in my flesh; for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I keep on doing the evil I do not want to do. And if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

(Romans 7:19-20)

I am not lazy.  I work a 40 hour week job in the school year and I daresay I work pretty hard.  I am involved in church and my children's school.  I spend time with my family.  

I am not trying to live up to some "perfect mom" standard either.  I don't set unrealistic goals and beat myself up when I fail to attain them. I stay away from self help books and I am leery of some women's ministry events if they push "a works religion mindset."  Like Paul I will never fully be able to carry it out and I will keep on doing evil because sin is living in me.

Paul goes on to say:

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with my mind, I serve the law of God, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

(Romans 7:24-25)

I know we are on the eve of the month of April.  It is a hard month for me...at least it has been the last two years.  It is the end of the school year but there are still many days of school with no breaks (except for Memorial Day but by that point we're almost done).  We are not a huge sports family but we have at least two children in spring sports and one in spring theatre.  There always seems to be extra events tied to Easter, graduations, and school.  There are always big school projects due. There always seems to be extra stress that comes out of nowhere...the last  two years it was tied to my work environment.  Sometimes it is church or family or something else. I always think it will come to a screeching halt once May hits.  However, May always seems to be a continuation of April.

I struggle with anxiety anyway.  Sometimes things are magnified and exaggerated in my own mind.  It can cause me to have extreme emotions.  Or else I go to my default mode of surfing social media or sleeping.  Honestly sometimes I wake up in the morning hit hard with fear because I am scared to face the day and what it entails.  I can usually breathe a sigh of relief and sometimes even feel peace at the end of it.  Sometimes I wake up the next morning and the whole cycle generates itself again.  

I am not making an unrealistic goal of having myself put together the whole month of April with zero moments of overwhelm.  I am not saying I am going to handle everything the way it should be handled. I know I will sometimes do what I don't want to do, but I will do it anyway.  There has to be more than coasting through life with a busy schedule trying to keep from getting overwhelmed for the sake of not falling apart.  

So I look to Romans 5 where Paul talks about what sufferings produce...

...but we also rejoice in our sufferings; because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.

I want to grow in character and be an adult. We use the term "adulting" more frequently now.  As adults we have to do things that are unpleasant or boring or tiring or cause anxiety.  Adults clean their houses.  Adults balance their checkbooks.  Adults watch what they eat.  Adults take care of their bodies.  Adults go to bed on time.  Sometimes I admit I don't want to be an adult and I am more prone to be that irresponsible adolescent.

I want to come out of April with a strength of character and a hope that does not disappoint.  Because I know my strength comes from God's love that He poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit.

And since this is my exercise blog...I will continue to record my workouts here and elaborate more on my running/triathlon goals

Today I biked 8.67 miles on Orange Mango (to the gym and back) which was a success in and of itself.  I still have too much unnecessary anxiety about riding my bike.  Once I start riding, I really do love it.  At the gym I did about a half hour of weights and strength training.

When 2 weeks becomes 4!

I was feeling significantly better Sunday morning but started to feel weak and tired on Sunday afternoon.  I managed to take a nap and that helped significantly.  I still had a decreased appetite and low energy level.  On Monday I woke up and felt well enough to go to work.  My appetite was increasing and I thought I was getting back to normal.  Around 3:00 PM it was like my intestines declared war on the rest of my body.  I started getting stomach pains again and a mild version of what started this whole sickness well over a week ago.  I felt that way the rest of the night.  I went to bed at 10:00 PM and fell asleep right away.  I only slept a half hour and woke up with more stomach pain.  I went to the bathroom and tried sleeping in a different position.  Thankfully I fell asleep.  But I was frustrated and anxious about why I have been so sick.  I woke up feeling good but not great.  Now I am starting to feel somewhat normal and crossing my fingers it was upward spiral from here.  I still have not exercised since Arizona and I am craving the gym and running again.  I am hoping for next week!  I need to get this virus or bacterial infection or whatever it is out of my body!