Monday - Rest
Tuesday - Ran 3 miles
I decided to take a vacation from exercise. I just really needed a break from it. I was starting to get obsessed with it and pushing myself too hard. I didn't even go into the exercise center while we in St. Maarten and I was totally OK with that. I took a break from exercise and technology and it was wonderful. With that being said, it is somewhat of transition coming home. The first couple days it was fatigue. We were going to bed between 8:30 and 9. Even taking naps during the day when we could. Then I just felt like I was in this black cloud--irritable and moody. I have tried to control it around the kids and have done fairly well--better than normal. I had fun at the Harvest Carnival, but part of me felt like I was going through the motions. I had a hard time at church on Sunday--I just didn't want to talk to anyone. On Sundays like this I actually do a lot better at the evening service when there are less people and it's more relaxed. Another reason to keep going to evening church, I guess. :) Yesterday morning I woke up again still feeling enveloped in this black cloud. As I started to clean, make to-do lists, and do activities with the kids--I actually felt a lot better. I still don't feel 100% mentally, but I think I'll get there soon. I am looking forward to going to Christina's house later this morning because I always feel better after hanging out with her.
I managed to get myself out of bed and run today. I think I have this mindset running after 2 weeks off--it's going to be so hard and painful. It really wasn't at all. Despite it being SO incredibly dark out in the mornings now and it's been colder in the high 30's/low 40's--it was a great run. I could have run longer if I had to. I don't what or if I am training for anything right now. I got invited to do Shamrock again. I'd like to do a Turkey Trot possibly once we figure out what we're doing on Thanksgiving. But not sure if I am going to do any major runs this winter.
Wednesday - Swam 1 hour
It was so great to swim today. Erica was back and Tracey was there. It was a hard workout, but I was glad I pushed myself. I would not have worked out as hard had I been alone. I think my strokes are getting stronger. I really enjoyed.
I feel like I can record this here versus my other blog. Too many people read that one and they don't need all the inside scoop on my moods and my personal life. :) It does help to go back and track my moods versus the time of year, circumstances etc. Today was a pretty challenging today. Some was totally out of my control--the kids had bad days. I also was juggling a lot with youth group tonight. As much as I love youth ministry, I just don't feel the passion as much this year. I don't know if that's because I am coming off vacation or I can't devote as much time to it. I don't know. I don't feel as anxious about it like I have in previous years, but I don't feel as excited. Kara is also struggling and I was able to put my finger on it. She misses Derek when he's at school, but she still struggles a lot when he comes home. It's beyond the adjustment of a new school year (it's been two months now since school started and we finished the first quarter). She feels threatened when Derek plays with the child care kids (they are way more his friends than hers) and intentionally picks fights and just can't get along with him. The other day she was up from her nap and picked a fight with him within a minute of getting up. She often fights with him about five minutes after he's home--it's like clockwork. I need to do something different with her. Rob suggested getting her to help me with things when the big kids come home from school or choose an activity she can do. Just reassure her. Regardless she needs to be supervised outside with the other kids. The weather has been so nice they play outside after coming home from school. She often wants to join them. She doesn't play well with them and she's often screaming at Derek within five minutes. I really saw it affecting Anna this week--she's been quieter and mellow--and somewhat annoyed by the drama. Something really has to change because I can't keep dealing with their fights all afternoon. They're not like normal conflicts they have like when Hailey comes home--deciding on a TV show or not helping with the cleaning or even being bossy. They are insecure intentionally picking a fight to piss the one other off conflicts. And they really need to stop. She's beginning to thrive off negative attention and it's not healthy. I would rather deal with the other kind of conflicts--much easier to manage.
Thursday - Rest
Much better day with all the kids!!
Friday - Group Ride
I got up early and went to Ride. It was nice to be back on the stationary bike in the class setting--it has been awhile. Erica who I swim with was there too but I didn't realize until we were in the locker room. She was sitting in the front and I was in the back. Angie was also in the locker room coming from the pool and started training again after a six week break. She is a mom to young kids too and competitive triathlete. She was voted female triathlete of the year in our club. Rob says I have a female crush on her. I said I just look up to her and what she's been able to accomplish. It's just a joke with that old Seinfeld episode where George idolizes Elaine's rock climbing boyfriend.
It was a super long day. I had kids from 7 AM until 4:30 PM, ran to Wal Mart, decorated our trunk, helped Hailey carve a pumpkin and then was at the school harvest party until 8:30. I was so drained and tired by the end of the day. I think I am dealing with some mild depression because my moods are all over the map and I feel more emotional than normal. Not quite sure what is going on. I think it's helpful to track it here because I can't always remember the day to day. I did start taking Vitamin C supplements and I have been taking Zinc when I get cold like symptoms. I feel like I'm taking a ridiculously amount of vitamins, but I have not had any major cold yet. Typically by October I've had at least one bad cold. With all the kids in the house and both the baby and toddler have had bad colds already, I've avoided it.
Saturday - Group Power
Today is the first Saturday in I don't know how many that I can actually go to Power. It hurt as usual when you don't go in several weeks. I would like to do Power once a week but it gets tricky because our weekends in the fall are so busy. I can't always do Thursday early morning. It's so tough to go when I have youth group the night before. It was great to be there and stretch some of those muscles again I've avoided the last couple weeks. I still don't feel the greatest mentally again today, but I honestly don't think it's going to be a long term thing this time. I really think I need 2 weeks post vacation to feel normal. This summer it totally helped coming home from Michigan and having Rob home all week. The kids were in VBS/camp all morning so we had every single morning totally free. It was a relaxing week and even the weeks that followed were very low key with little going on. It's not that way this time. We jumped right into Halloween activities and we were way more sleep deprived. And Derek & Kara are just going through a big adjustment period and it's more Kara than Derek. After Rob and I talked, that's what we think it is. I am going to keep continue to monitor my mental health to see if I do need to call Dr. V and change doses or meds.
Sunday - 4 mile run
Really good run in the afternoon. 50 degrees. No rain. Perfect. It was a good day. First day I feel more than halfway normal and the kids did great today too. Derek & Kara fought very little if at all. Ready for a new week.
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