Week 2

I have been dealing with anxiety since December 26th. I have always struggled with it, but this is when I it hit hard. I feel like I have been going through a rough time...transitioning to having a busy toddler in the house. Or just dealing with some character issues. Or maybe it is just a time "in the valley." I do not want to blame it all on Kara. Derek has also been stressful with his need to touch and destroy everything. I probably took on too much this year and I am no longer in denial of that. I was having a really bad day on January 22nd to be exact (you can tell I keeping track of mood levels to see how they correlate with my monthly cycle). I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed to the point I was getting ticked off. I was trying to get all three kids ready to go to a birthday party (Rob has been working most Saturday mornings) and it was like I could not get shoes, socks, coats etc. together. Getting kids ready and out the door is by far the most stressful thing for me. I don't know why, but I often feel my anxiety escalate when we're trying to get ready to go somewhere. I think this is why I have chosen to stay home so much this year. Rob came home early and finished getting the kids ready and took them to Roths to buy a birthday present which gave me a fifteen minute break. I remember feeling like trying to run this half marathon and doing all these timed runs was too much. I was taking on more than I can handle. Although I did not feel a lot of pressure from anyone, it felt like a weight of my shoulder when I decided to drop it.

Plus I should mention this Animal Science class is a three credit class and it's tough! I did horrible on the first test. Studying in the afternoon is not what it used to be. Hailey, of course, does not nap anymore. Derek fights it at least a couple times a week. Kara had a couple bad afternoons in there as well. I study the best between 8:30 - 10:00 PM at night. That is not always possible the nights we have things going on.

Then Aletha e-mailed me last week and said she was going to do Eugene and had registered. I told her at Christmas I was going to do it and would run it with her. I felt bad because I had been really wanting a running partner since Trena moved to Hawaii. She is just as busy as I am. She's a young mom and a doctor (first time in my life I have a friend who is a MD). At first I told her I was out and she said she understood. Then I e-mailed her the next morning and said, "Well maybe I'm not fully out yet."

I was following Hal's intermediate plan because my mileage was up from the marathon. It seemed silly to drop back significantly. I really wanted to work on pacing and getting my 5K time under 25 minutes. Physically, I could do it. Mentally, I can't. It is just way too overwhelming right now to run that many miles in the week. So I am going to follow the basic plan (Aletha is doing it too). I am going to time some of my runs and try to improve my pace. It is a good motivator. I am also going to keep my training casual. I might go more hard core in the summer when I have less going on (I am probably not taking a summer course or else one that is less intense). I am not going to register for Eugene yet because I want to be consistent for a few more weeks. I am not sure how quickly it fills up, but I'll take the risk.

Monday - Ran 2.65 miles (Mile #1 - 8:38 Total Time - 23:32)

I did my route to Ewald. I actually created this route a couple years ago when I set my course by time not mileage. It was before I was using Map My Run. At the time I ran it in around 30 minutes so I assumed it was 3 miles. So when I finished today I was really surprised to see I ran it in 23:32. Then I got on Map My Run and noticed I was only running 2.65 miles. That is kind of funny! I need to increase some mileage there or find a new 3 mile route. I was glad of the 8:38 mile. I used to think I was always doing 10 minute miles, but I am doing more like 8:40 - 9 minute miles.

Aside from a huge headwind on Liberty that I felt was going to blow me over, I felt really good. Felt very motivated today and glad to be outside in the natural light (even though it is cooler, gray...normal Oregon February).

The anxiety was really bad this morning. Like I called Rob at 8:30 AM and said I was already going crazy and had already yelled at Derek twice. Thankfully I got ahold of myself and we had a better morning. We even got tons of cleaning done. So amazed the house got trashed after being fully sparkling clean Saturday afternoon. I looked at the cluttered kitchen counters this morning and wanted to cry. Kara is a little tornado throughout the whole house. I think the antidepressant is taking the edge off. I am kind of wondering if I need to take it every day versus just 7-10 days out of the month.

Tuesday - Fitness 360 Cardio - 20 minutes

I did the workout this afternoon during naps. Was a great workout especially with the hand weights I am borrowing from Matt and Aletha. I can tell my muscles have not been worked in awhile. My abs need to be worked. I need to keep doing some good stretching too. Pretty tight in certain places.

Not sure how or if this 1/2 marathon is going to work. Rob has to preach that Sunday and will not be taking vacation. I could still do it, but he would have to juggle the kids as well as preach. I kind of want to do the 5k since Team Winter is sponsoring it. Then he and the kids could watch me? But I want to watch Aletha do the 1/2 and cheer her on. Don't how this will work, but we'll figure it out. If anything the 1/2 training plan is a good maintenance plan for right now to get my mileage up.

Anxiety was a little mild again this morning. Not where I wish it would be, but not as overpowering either. It helped the house was cleaner and I got a little bit with Kara and Derek before we had to pick up Hailey.

Wednesday - 2 mile run (Mile #1 - 7:44 Mile #2 - 16:48)

It's hard to run two miles fast! I really felt it after 1 1/2 miles...was quite tired. I did my regular 2 mile going past the park and up Idylwood. Had planned on running at noon, but we had a hailstorm...what is up with that? Really random. It was cold (well...cold for here) and windy today. I did feel really cold at the start, but felt better once I warmed up. It feels good to have my body moving again and exercising. Although I have had some bouts of anxiety today (more than I would like), the exercise seems to be helping. I got in a mild panic about some small things today that I don't think would have normally bothered me. Might do some mood logs later...they usually help.

Thursday - Rest

Enjoyed the rest. Anxiety was very minimal today...just got stressed about Animal Science, but nothing major.

Friday - 3.13 Mile Run (Mile #1 8:07, Mile #2 16:42, Mile #3 26:59)

I felt really good. Just a little bit of shin pain (do I need new shoes already?!) and I hate running on Liberty. There was a slight rain, but more of a mist. I did my old three mile route which was not three miles so I had to add a half mile down Hrubetz to Jones and then past our house to Nina. I am trying to get under 25 minutes, but it's hard too with the uphills and the stops. My time was probably a little less...had to stop at Ash and the intersection of Liberty and Browning.
Should clarify the stops were because of cars/traffic...not because I was too tired.

Anxiety was non-existent today which was wonderful. Finally felt normal.

Saturday - Short walk (cross training) 360 Fitness Yoga

I am following Hal's program and wish I could do more with cross training. Since I dropped my gym membership, it's tough. Walking and some of the aerobic workouts on Exercise TV are my only options. I'd rather do so biking or swimming, but that won't work right now. Honestly it is not even worth our family budget right now to get a Snap Fitness membership. I have no desire to run on a treadmill even if it is raining outside. I'd rather endure the rain. I don't think it's worth it just for use of an exercise bike one or two times a week. I was hoping to buy a bike before the summer, but not sure if that is going to happen.

I like the 360 Fitness programs and Holly Perkins is awesome. I wish the yoga program was a little longer...pretty short. So I might try the Sunrise Yoga next week. Honestly Sunrise is a little crazy with all the chanting music and the weird voice over. It is a longer workout and I like the stretching. I need to do it. My whole body is feeling really tight right now.

Anxiety was again very minimal...hardly existant today. Glad about that. Last weekend I felt crazy and last week Friday was bad. I don't know if it is because I started running again that it is much more under control. Yet I didn't feel like I could start running again until it was. I don't know if that make any sense. What role does the medication play in it? It is like a big giant puzzle. I do know I was happy and energetic this fall when I was training for the marathon. I told Rob I wanted those feelings back. Without having to train for another marathon right now.

Sunday - Ran 4 miles

A little tough. My body is not where I want it to be physically. I tackled the hills and did not have to walk. I tried a new route going down Madrona and up Commerical to Browning and to the park. The hills on Browning were tough...I felt better once I was off those hills. I don't really time my long runs, but I think my pace was really fast in the beginning...like 8 minute miles. I couldn't keep that up once I got past two miles. All in all, I felt pretty good. I know I just need to be consistent to get my miles back up.

Anxiety was very minimal today. I woke up at 6:14 AM...or I should Kara woke me up. I was deep in a dream when she woke me up. She went right back down with her pacifier. I never fell back asleep. My heart was beating faster than normal and for some reason my mind was racing. I kind of thought it would be a bad anxiety day...I stayed home from Sunday School because I thought it would be too much for me. It turned out to be fine and I felt pretty normal all day.