In the past few weeks I have dealt with some great experiences like getting away with Rob to see Billy Joel in concert, Christmas parties, and seeing the kids Christmas programs. On the flip side, I have dealt with some high anxiety that has not waned since I have been on Christmas Break. In some ways it has gotten worse. My brain is still stuck in this fight and flight mode and I fluctuate quickly from a relaxed state to a jittery, jumpy, highly emotional state. The fact I recognize it helps. I am going to take some steps today and the rest of this week to handle it positively.
I really slacked on workouts the last couple of weeks. That hindered me and did not help my anxiety. When it reaches a certain threshold, I lose motivation. Depression starts to set in. My first counselor back in the mid 90's felt my depression was caused by the anxiety. Anxiety comes first and when I fail to work through it, I get very discouraged and depressed. My goal for this week is to get back into it.
Monday = Ran 4.53 miles with an average pace of 10:03. We ran our regular route around Ewald...not too many hills. It was a great run and I felt like I really needed to be outside.
Tuesday = Ran 5.06 miles with an average pace of 9:43. We did more rolling hills this morning and my knee started to ache on the downhill around three and a half miles. It went in and out but flared the most on the downhill. I stretched and did yoga last night and have not done so in awhile. My legs felt tight and sore this morning so I am not surprised. It hurt but I could push through the pain. I could have kept running more had I really wanted to. I am going to keep running, stretching, rolling. I see the doctor end of January so I can get a referral to a PT clinic if I feel like I need it. I don't know really know what I am dealing with it. I always passed it off as IT syndrome. The symptoms of IT syndrome seems quite different. When I turn my foot inward (because it naturally turns outward) it seems to improve my form and I run better.
Wednesday = Swam approximately 27 laps which is about 3/4 of a mile. It felt great to be back in the pool and have a group to swim with. I was actually on time for once and the first person there. I was pretty slow, but it still felt good to swim and get a decent workout in. Also had a good talk with Counselor R who thinks I am not constantly dealing with anxiety. Some of it is in fact anxiety. But I have been using the catch-all anxiety to describe everything. I have also been dealing with grief of missing being with the kids after school and being around for some of their events. I have been dealing with burn out from my job and other involvements. I have faced guilt from not going to Bible Study. I hit Christmas Break and dealt with fatigue. I am also dealing with the unpredictable behavior of having an adolescent in the house and honestly another one who is far off from that stage. It helped to piece it apart and get a better perspective on what is going on.
Thursday = Group Ride. I love going to Mr. F's Ride Class. I can only go on school breaks and in the summer months. It was a great workout and I love the way he teaches it.
Friday = Rest!
Saturday = Group Power. I am really glad I pushed myself to Power because I almost talked myself out of it. It hurt especially my shoulders, chest, and calves. I figured it would. I have not been consistent with Power since the summer...and really since last spring.
Sunday = Ran 6.0 miles with an average pace of 9:53. Great Christmas Eve run! I ran around 3:30 PM and ran through the Battlecreek neighborhood. There was a slight mist in the air and it was rainy at times. It felt great to be outside. I had zero pain even on the hills. It was a blessing to run. I miss the regular exercise.
